The Darwin Awards

[BMCM Deane Smith]

For those of you who are famailiar with the "Darwin Awards", here is an article from a west coast newspaper. It seems that one of our fellow coasties deserves at least an honorable mention...

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Vehicle with broken windshield gets the attention of police

An Oregon State Trooper was on patrol in the Newport area when he observed a 2001 Hyundai run a stop sign, turning east onto Highway 20 from Avery Street at about 6:15 p.m.

As the vehicle made the turn, the officer was unable to see the driver because the front windshield was completely broken. And it appeared to the officer that the windshield had been broken intentionally.

The state trooper turned his patrol car around in time to watch the Hyundai travel up onto the sidewalk. He pulled the vehicle over for having an obstructed view, for failing to drive in the lane, and for failing to stop at a stop sign.

The driver of the vehicle, Nikki Lee Hartley, 32, of Siletz was showing signs of impairment, according to the OSP report. She reportedly told the officer that she was coming from U.S. Coast Guard Station Yaquina Bay and that her fiancé had broken her windshield in an effort to stop her from leaving.

Hartley agreed to perform field sobriety tests, and as she exited her vehicle, she staggered and almost fell on two occasions, according to the OSP report. She then changed her mind about performing the tests, and she was arrested for Driving Under the Influence of Intoxicants.

Hartley's fiancé arrived on the scene, and he confirmed that he and another Coast Guard member had tried to stop Hartley from driving. He also said he had broken the windshield with his fist so she could not see to drive, but she drove off anyway.

Hartley was transported to the Lincoln County Jail, where she consented to a breath test. Her blood alcohol content was measured at .23 percent. She was lodged in the jail.


http://www.newportnewstimes.com/articles/2006/07/26/crime/court02.txt

[BMCM Stuart S. Slesh]

Man, if they could only could up with some sort of metal device, that could be taken away to prevent someone else from starting the vehicle. I'm just spit balling ideas here...... but something that could fit into the ignition......

But you have to admit that smashing the windshield with your fist is really thinking outside the box. You're so far outside the box, that you would need to stand on top of another box just to get a clear view of the first box, which is just over the horizon...... I'm curious what level your own BAC needs to be at, when smashing your windshield, seems like the best idea. Someone else probably thought about holding her down and pouring battery into her eyes, but they agreed that that would be too extreme.

I'm wondering what the key points of that COC speech were ?

I can't seem to let this thing go,.... I know its a Hyundai, but don't the windshields still cost money.

And you gotta be thinking, the on coming CO has gotta be like.............. Welcome aboard.......

[BMCS Jim Madsen]

Lets see... He punched out the window with his fist. Makes me wonder what his BAC was? Was it his car or hers? I wonder if they are going to claim that on their insurance? Her car? He vandalized it? Sure would be interesting to hear his side of the story. And her's to for that matter. I's sure it would be better than the Friday Funnies.

[BMCM Deane Smith]

What would you think if I told you that this coastie was an E-7?

[BMC John Phillips III]

BMCM, Where'd you get a COC from? I didn't read that.

And not to be too pc, but I am sure there are plenty of hyundai drivers here, even though I'm not one of them :p

BMCS, I would ask you if he was already married and whether or not he refers to Senior and Master Chiefs outside the mess by their first names or not.

[BMCS Burt Ford]

No way Deane..........

[BMCS Jim Madsen]

If that is how he treats his fiance, I would wonder how he treats his subordinates. :eek:

[BMCM Deane Smith]

Burt...I wish I were joking.

Jim...You might be on to something.

[BMC John Phillips III]

Isn't Nikki Hartley an adult film star? Maybe he didn't crack the glass with his fist? We really don't know all the facts here :p

[BMCM Stuart S. Slesh]

You're thinking Nina....... and she also does Main stream movies and instructional videos.....

And I know the out going CO whose COC/retirement it was......... nice way to remember your last day.

And since Deane brought something else up..... think hard about what position the guy held at the unit....... just think about it.

[BMCS Dave Considine]

I'm just amazed that both MC and JP3 have such intimate knowledge of Adult Film Stars. Must have been all those "training films" over the years.

[FSC Jayare Parker (Ret)]

I was thinking the same thing.

Jayare

[BMC John Phillips III]

Note that I had the name wrong :D I just had an epiphany,what if that was the "mandatory training" they are talking about in another thread?

[BMCS Dave Considine]

I sure hope so!

[BMCM Stuart S. Slesh]

If you want to be amazed about something, scan back up the page and print it out. Gold leaf and frame it. JP3 just admitted that he was wrong about something.
And before you read anything into my knowledge of all things that will never be asked on Jeopardy......I know all the words to the theme songs of H. R. Puff'n Stuff and the Banana Splits.

And on a side note....Dave, how do you know that I was right ?

[BMCS Dave Considine]

And on a side note....Dave, how do you know that I was right ?[/QUOTE]


The Power of Google, I always double check my sources MC!

H R PUFF N' STUFF ALWAYS THERE WHEN THINGS GET ROUGH
H.R.PUFF N'STUFF YOU CANT GET A LITTLE IF YOU CANT GET ENOUGH.

AND THE BOAT WAS OWNED BY A CROOKED OLD WITCH
WHO HAD IN MIND A FLUTE TO SNITCH
AND THE BOAT WENT ON AND ON AND ON

--------------------------------------------------------------------

H.R. Pufnstuff, Who's your friend when things get rough?
H.R. Pufnstuff Can't do a little cause he can't do enough.

Once upon a summertime just a dream from yesterday
A boy and his magic golden flute heard a boat from off the bay
"Come and play with me, Jimmy come and play with me.
And I will take you on a trip far across the sea."

But the boat belonged to a kooky old witch who had in mind the flute to snitch
From her broom broom in the sky she watched her plans materialize
She waved her wand the beautiful boat was gone
The skies grew dark the sea grew rough
And the boat sailed on and on and on and on and on and on.

But Pufnstuff was watching too and knew exactly what to do
He saw the witch's boat attack and as the boy was fighting back
He called his rescue racer crew as often they'd rehearsed
And off to save the boy they flew but who would get there first?

But now the boy had washed ashore Puf arrived to save the day
Which made the witch so mad and sore she shook her first and screamed away.

H.R. Pufnstuff, Who's your friend when things get rough?
H.R. Pufnstuff can't do a little cause he can't do enough.


Damn that brings back some memories

[BMCS Burt Ford]

Some how this thread makes me think there were some babies dropped on thier heads........

[BMC John Phillips III]

MC, good point, that probably was a first, but I knew from the start I was wrong, it was more for the sake of the joke. See the sacrifices I make just to bring you a chuckle?

Burt, I have two words for you, "paint chips."

[BMCM Deane Smith]

Isn't Nikki Hartley an adult film star? Maybe he didn't crack the glass with his fist? We really don't know all the facts here :p

John...Thanks, you have effectively killed this thread.

[BMC John Phillips III]

BMCS, come on now, any good navigator could have gotten us back on track. It's not like I am the one that brought up HR Puffnstuff.

OK let me get serious for a moment. This thread is kind of along the lines of publishing RFC's. We don't know the facts, sure the article and link you provided gives us the skinny. But there are details that we don't know. So without actually being there or knowing the guy who thought punching out a windshield was a good idea, we really shouldn't speculate or throw stones. Haha, I just thought of trying to come up with something like, "people with glass windshields shouldn't throw punches" or something silly like that. But back to serious, if the dude is a Chief, maybe he can sign up and give us the Paul Harvey, behind the closed door? I don't know. If I did something that everyone thought was stupid and started talking about, I would come out to set the record straight. I guess if it was really stupid I might have to wait until after the investigation, but as a rule, I try not too do too many stupid things, especially at work.

[BMCM Deane Smith]

I know that this individual is an E-7. I know more than I'm posting. I will not go into any further details without the permission of the individual, obviously that wouldn't be appropriate. I'm not trying to be vague, that's just the way it has to be...for now.

[BMCM Stuart S. Slesh]

JP3, just go with what you do know. The individual showed up at the police station and admitted that he broke the windshield with his fist so that his fiancee couldn't see to drive. That was what was in the paper.
Now think about that, and try to come up with a circumstance where his actions make any sense. I tried to put myself in place of his supervisor...... and came up with nothing. Tried to put myself in the place of his best friend........nothing. I even tried to put myself in the role of a defense lawyer...... nothing.
I would love to hear this guys version of the events. I do think the story has to start off...." Once upon a time we were drinking heavily........"
Nothing else makes any sense......

And where we don't know the story on this, we rarely do. This is one of those skills that we have to hone. We need to hear parts of a story and fill in the rest with what's logical, and what's believable. This guy could have worked for any one of us. Practice explaining this story to your Commanding Officer. Well Sir, friday afternoon, I had to go down to the Sheriff's Office because one of my guys shattered his fiancees' windshield with his fist. But there was a really good reason that he did it. He was............

Now without turning that into a joke, does anyone have a reasonable, plausable explaination ?

[BMC John Phillips III]

We need to hear parts of a story and fill in the rest with what's logical, and what's believable.

Now without turning that into a joke, does anyone have a reasonable, plausable explaination ?

MC, try filling in the rest of this story logically: going out on the coldest night in 20 years, paying $60 for a cab ride to nowhere and breaking your ankle all in one night. All anyone on the outside of that scenario knew was that the member missed movement. I can't imagine anyone that wasn't involved logically filling in that storyline.

I am not argueing that punching a windshield probably isn't the best option to keep someone from driving and the story the paper gives does make it seem cut and dry. So that's why I posted what I did about if it was me, I would have to clear the air so there could be no speculation. Oh and I think they actually have come up with some metal things that could keep someone from driving, they are called Keys. Not the Florida Keys, car keys :D

OK, sorry but I can't resist joking about, but it was perfect timing. As soon as I hit submit a vonage commercial came on. This guy might be able to work out some kind of deal with them with their "people do stupid things" advertisements.

[BMC Ken Gouge]

As far as the Darwin Awards go, I found this. Not true Darwin awards because they were not removed from the food chain permanently, but "if" the stories are true, demonstrate that China may have had a good idea making people get permission to breed...

Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Early in 2003, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.

And last but not least.

A medical student was doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. A woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. He quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. He told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

[BMCM Stuart S. Slesh]

JP3, your story omits the most important parts of the known story. Try giving this information. A person is out on the coldest night in over 100 years and breaks his ankle climbing over the fence in the parking lot that his car is locked in. The member admits that he was drinking, but says he wasn't drunk, and also had a designated driver. Now apply logic and fill in the gaps.

[BMC John Phillips III]

Ok, but I still would have never been able to come up with the part where the cabby forced them to try and change the flat tire and then charged them $60 for a cab ride to no where.

[BMCM Stuart S. Slesh]

Add alcohol.......... Take any situation where you can't think of why someone did what they did, and put them under the influence....... and it all starts coming into focus.

[BMC John Phillips III]

I thought alcohol made things get blurry, I have been doing this all wrong.

Anyway, I think I am onto something with that actress thing, look at our newest member.

[PAC Jamie Devitt-Chacon ret]

Ok, I just gotta do this ...

Once upon a time, about nine years ago or so, there was a call to the OPCEN in the middle of the night ...

A boat, taking on water, several miles offshore. Station LA/LB responds, finds sixteen people, hip-high in water, boat rapidly sinking. They bring everyone on board, all is well. A couple of guys beg the coasties to save their camera gear -- seems they were filming a movie out there...

Station guys take them to nearest pier, where waiting LA camera crews filmed the lucky survivors. One woman, wrapped in a blanket, says to the camera, "Thank GOD for the Coast Guard, that's all I can say!!!"

When the reporter asks the woman for her name to identify her, she pauses, hesitates, turns away. Now, normally, you don't see this part... She eventually gives her name to the persistent reporter...

Meanwhile, back at the public affairs shop, it's about 6 or 7 a.m., and then-PA3 Tremper and I (a PA2, I believe) are working the case, on the phone talking to reporters, taping the news clips from the tv. Then, I get a call that goes something like this...

"Hey, this is joe reporter from channel 2... you guys rescued a bunch of people this morning from a sinking boat, right?" "Yes, that's right... everybody is safe and sound! A 41-foot rescue boat responded... <blah blah blah>" He let me finish my speel.... and then this ...

"So did you know they were shooting a film out there?" I responded, "Yes, I was aware there was camera equipment on board that was unrecoverable." "Are you aware they were filming an 'adult' film? A pornographic film?"

Me in stunned silence....

Me, recovering... "No, I wasn't aware, but frankly, our concern is the safety of life at sea, and these folks were on a sinking boat, and our job was to save them, which we did <blah blah blah>"

I hung up the phone, swore loudly, explained quickly, and we ran to watch the news.... None other than Miss Nina Hartley, over and over again, "Thank GOD for the Coast Guard, that's all I can say!!" For days. On every station. The phone did not stop ringing.

Although the camera equipment was lost, apparently the film was saved and I heard it was released as "Bone Voyage" .... I never had any desire to see it.

Had to share, it's my favorite "sea story." I'm convinced that this case is the reason ol' Dan failed to solicit WOW from me for his initiation, the bum. :rolleyes:


sample searches from Google will bring up interesting results -- caution, most of those pages cannot be accessed from a CG workstation...

X-RATED MOVIE CREW RESCUED FROM SINKING PLEASURE YACHT

Daily News of Los Angeles (LA) - Saturday, April 19, 1997
By: Associated Press Edition: Valley Section: NEWS Page: N6

Long Beach - The 16 people plucked to safety in choppy waters as their 40-foot pleasure yacht sank were apparently aboard the craft to film an adult movie.

Included among the passengers rescued Thursday night was adult film star Nina Hartley, who has appeared in more than 300 hard-core skinflicks.

"Thank God for the Coast Guard is all I can say," Hartley said.

Passengers used camera flashes and emergency flares to make themselves seen to rescue boats.

The film was saved, but all the equipment sank, said passenger David Johnson.

There were no reported injuries, although some of the passengers fell into the water before rescuers arrived, Coast Guard Petty Officer Dan Tremper said Thursday.

[BMCS Dave Considine]

Too bad Master Chief and JP3 didn't know that, it would have been a perfect excuse for their "prior" knowledge of Nina Hartley!

Dave

[BMC John Phillips III]

Jamie, there are so many ways I can go with that story it is ridiculous, but I will show some restraint and just leave it. That is a good sea-story though and I may be just speculating here, but if the boat crew had known what type of footage was on the sinking boat, they would have found a way to recover it.

[BMCM Stuart S. Slesh]

Well Dave, seeing as how this thread will never get back on topic, let's try this. She's made main stream movies, and instructional videos. She has starred as "herself" in dozens of filmographies and documnetaries. She's on two different shows on HBO this month. . .... and oh yeah, she has starred in over 400 adult films in the past twenty years. Darwin himself, would have known who she is.

[BMCS Dave Considine]

Thanks Master Chief, I will make every attempt to better familiarize myself with her works, sounds like I have been missing out on some good movies. At least this will be the excuse to my wife why we need HBO, and why I keep going into that liitle room at the end of the video store!

Dave

[BMC John Phillips III]

ok, I am the last guy on earth anyone would expect to say this but, "moderator, please close this thread!"

[BMC Chris Gempp]

I agree, how did this get so off track

[BMCM Deane Smith]

I agree, how did this get so off track

Chris...It was post #9...it hasn't been on track since.

[BMCS Dave Considine]

And you all expect a bunch of Chiefs to stay focused this long??? I am amazed it made it to post #9!

Dave

[BMC John Phillips III]

Post #9 asked a legitimate question and raised some very interesting points. I would hardly say that it was the cause of bringing this thread off course. You have to admit that Nikki and Nina are very similar names :D

[BMCM Stuart S. Slesh]

From post #18 referring to the similarities in the names........but I knew from the start I was wrong, it was more for the sake of the joke. See the sacrifices I make just to bring you a chuckle?

I'm with Deane. It was derailed at #9 for a chuckle, and never made it back. Attempts were made, but all failed.

[BMCM Deane Smith]

Let's try and get this back to the original topic...The Darwin Awards.

Here is another story worthy of an honorable mention...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man Says Penis Pump Is a Bomb

Thursday, August 24, 2006

(08-24) 08:31 PDT CHICAGO, (AP) --

Cook County prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately didn't want her to know he'd packed a sexual aid for their trip to Turkey.

So he told security it was a bomb, officials said.

Madin Azad Amin, 29, of Skokie, was stopped Aug. 16 after guards found an object in his baggage that resembled a grenade, prosecutors said.

When officers asked him to identify it, Amin said it was a bomb, said Cook County Assistant State's Attorney Lorraine Scaduto.

He later told officials he'd lied about the item because his mother was nearby and he didn't want her to hear that it was part of a penis pump, Scaduto said.

He's been charged with felony disorderly conduct, said Andrew Conklin, a spokesman with the Cook County state's attorney's office.

Amin's attorney told a Cook County judge Wednesday that Amin whispered that the component was a "pump." The guard misunderstood, and thought he said "bomb," according to defense attorney Eileen O'Neill-Burke.

"He told her it's a pump," O'Neill-Burke said. "He's standing with his mother. Of course he's not going to shout this out."

However, Judge Gerald Winiecki decided there was sufficient evidence for the case to move forward after the female security guard testified that she heard Amin "clearly" say the word bomb.

Amin is charged with felony disorderly conduct, which could bring a three-year prison sentence if he's convicted. Amin is due back in court Sept. 13

He told the Chicago Sun-Times after the hearing that security officials did not give him a chance to explain the misunderstanding, that he would never use the word "bomb" while going through a security checkpoint, and does not consider a penis pump an unusual object to own.

"It's normal," he said. "Half of America they use it"

[BMCM Stuart S. Slesh]

This guy needs to grow a pair and let his mom know about his pastimes. And before traveling to Turkey, everyone should have to watch the movie "Midnight Express". That would keep you from smuggling anything into or out of that country.

And he shouldn't believe everything the penis pump companies try to feed you, Half of America doesn't use them. And if he felt as though they did, why didn't he proudly declare it ?

Too bad they didn't ask him about the tactum powder....... he could have told them it was heroine..........

[BMC John Phillips III]

Crikey!!! I'm dead!

lol, I am sorry and I know this is going to come off as insensitive, but come on Steve Irwin, not the smartest man on the planet.

If you had asked me to put money on how he went out, it wouldn't have been via stingray barb. But it does make me recall a time I was in the emergency room and there were two other people in there with me, one that was shot and another that had stepped on a stingray. The guy that stepped on a stingray was screaming and moaning in pain. The guy that got shot was pretty calm.

On a serious note though, my kids will miss him and I feel for his family.

[PAC Jamie Devitt-Chacon ret]

Steve was awesome. We'll miss him.

[BMCS Jim Madsen]

I just returned from my Grandmothers funeral this weekend. For some reason I don't see the humor in your remarks JP3.
Did you know that Steve was never bitten by a poisonous snake? Makes me wonder if he really did know what he was doing. His death occured by such a freak accident that I cannot help but believe that his number was simply up. Whether you like him or not, lots of people did and he will be missed. It is most sad for his wife and two young kids.

[BMCM Stuart S. Slesh]

I'll go with his number was up. But I think that his choosen career path made that number come up faster. I think that he did know what he was doing, but I think he was crazy all the same. He made a living taking risks. He was an educator, but some people tuned in for the risks he took. People were shocked that the one of the safest animals he worked with was the one that did him in, but it was still a very dangerous animal. And they knew that or they wouldn't have been filming it. And it is most sad for his wife and kids, but maybe he should have been the one that thought about that. He should have quit while he was ahead. But then he wouldn't have been him would he have. JP3 was thinking that some people would think that his comments are insensitive.......... because they are. But I bet you Steve would have laughed.

[ETCM Joseph Harold]

I have been saying crikey for the last two days. Sort of as a tribute to Steve. I like the word.

[PACS Steve Carleton]

DAHNGAR, DAHNGAR, DAHNGAR, DAHNGAR!


His number was up, but really, isn't that why we watched it, to watch him get bitten?

[DCCS Todd Holcomb]

But then he wouldn't have been him would he have.


His number was up, I don't think it would've mattered where he was or what he was doing, His time was up.

Master Chief, what??????????????????

[SKC Raymond Kurtz]

Old Stevie lost my respect when he was holding his son (?) while messing around with a croc sometime back. What in the hell was he thinking? What if he slipped? What if the croc lunged at him and he slipped? No child should have to pay for the parent's stupidity.

What if Joe Blow, ordinary citizen, alligator hunter tried that while taping himself? Social Services would have blown a gasket, the kid would have been removed and daddy thrown in jail for child endangerment. Steve and Mikey can get away with it because of their status.

[SKC Raymond Kurtz]

Another candidate. If someone wants to be a candidate for a prestigious Darwin Award, that's their business, but bringing their children into the mix isn't too cool.

Lantana dad breaks leg after jumping off bridge with daughter

By Jerome Burdi
sun-sentinel.com
Posted September 12 2006, 3:39 PM EDT

LANTANA – A father on a bike ride with his 10-year-old daughter decided to help her get over a fear of heights by having her jump off a bridge, police said on Tuesday.

The daughter, who was not identified, was not injured by the 25-foot jump from the Lantana bridge over the Intracoastal Waterway around 7:45 p.m. on Monday.
But Dad -- Troy Stewart, 31 -- broke a leg and was taken to JFK Hospital for treatment.

Police said dad and daughter were out riding their bicycles when the father asked if she wanted to get over her fear of heights. She said yes and they pedaled onto the bridge to a spot about 50 feet from shore. Then they jumped off the span from about 25 feet above the water's surface.

It was not immediately clear how father and daughter made it back to shore or how police and rescue workers were summoned, but the child rode back to her home on the 200 block of Ocean Avenue and told her mom what happened.

The investigation continues.

[BMC John Phillips III]

Old Stevie lost my respect when he was holding his son (?) while messing around with a croc sometime back. What in the hell was he thinking? What if he slipped? What if the croc lunged at him and he slipped? No child should have to pay for the parent's stupidity.

That is one of the reasons I didn't think he was all there.

BMCS Madsen, I apologize for being insensitive. I shouldn't have posted it.

Now here is a new Darwin award winner:

MIAMI (Reuters) - A Florida diver shot a large grouper with a spear gun then apparently drowned when the fish sped into a hole, entangling the man in the line attached to the spear, investigators said on Monday. The 42-year-old man, whose name was withheld, was free-diving in about 25 feet (7.5 metres) of water off the lower Florida Keys on Saturday and speared a Goliath Grouper, Monroe County Sheriff's Detective Mark Coleman said. "It looks like the fish wrapped the line attached to the spear around the victim's wrist. The fish then went into a hole in a coral...

If you are asking why I think this falls under darwin awards, well that's because Goliath Grouper (formerly known as jewfish) have been protected for a long time now and in Key West waters, he couldn't have mistaken him for another grouper. From what I have heard he is a longtime local that knew a lot about fishing.

[BMCS Jim Madsen]

JP3, Don't worry about offending me. It is not my grave that you are spitting on.

[BMC John Phillips III]

Yeah, that's why I am getting cremated....

[BMCS Dave Considine]

Darwin awards for 2006

MICHIGAN... In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

CALIFORNIA...A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned When he ran," -- accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

NORTH CAROLINA...Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

CALIFORNIA...Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

DELAWARE...Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyvill, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

HONOURABLE MENTION:

NEW JERSEY...Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

WASHINGTON...TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER: FROM G-E-R-M-A-N-Y . is....Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn,Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. ' With no one there to help him, he Lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that "S**T happens!"

[BMCS Jim Madsen]

The nominees this year in reverse order are:

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long
and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation.
Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death
to his family very awkward.

5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

4. A 22-year-old, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric B., a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren C., a police spokesman, said investigators think Eric was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Warren said.
Police say the apparent cause of death was, "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

AND THE WINNER IS:

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt S. tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Everitt managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Everitt's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Everitt, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Everitt, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Everitt's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Everitt broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself with. Everitt was rushed to the hospital for surgery... The
remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

NOTE: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.

[BMC John Phillips III]

Jim, didn't the OIC of the ANVIL have an interesting philosophy on golf clubs? Something about never seeing two things in his hands, one being a golf club, can't for the life of me remember what the other was ;)

[BMCM Deane Smith]

Here's another honorable mention...
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Flatulence forces plane to land Wed Dec 6, 7:07 AM ET

An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.

The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a "body odor," Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said.

"It's humorous in a way but you feel sorry for the individual, as well," she said. "It's unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up."

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident.

[BMCS Jim Madsen]

That is funny. She got kicked off the plane for lighting a "stink bomb".

[SKC Raymond Kurtz]

I wonder if people have forgotten the ability to think. You would think that someone would think about lighting matches on a commercial airliner, especially after 9/11. What's worse? Flatulence or having to tell someone that she got kicked off a plane?

[SKC Raymond Kurtz]

The 2006 Darwin Award winners are......

Two students who died after climbing into a huge helium-filled balloon for the 'buzz' of inhaling the gas have been named the winners of the 2006 Darwin Awards.

Jason Ackerman and Sara Rydman, both 21, were discovered with their feet sticking out of a deflated balloon used to advertise property in LakeView, South Florida.

The two apparently pulled the balloon out of the sky and squeezed themselves inside, where they died of oxygen starvation.

The awards are named in honour of Charles Darwin and given out every year to people 'who have improved the gene pool by removing themselves from it'.

This year's runner-up was a man who flew his copper wire-bound kite during a thunder storm. The 26-year-old, from Belize, died after the kite sent a fatal bolt of lightning through his body. He was an electrician.

In third place was a Brazilian who tried to dismantle a rocket-propelled grenade by driving back and forth over it with his car.

When the weapon failed to break up, he attacked it with a sledgehammer. The explosion killed him and destroyed six cars and his workplace.

[DCCS Todd Holcomb]

Didn't know where to put this so I put it here, I didn't want to start a new thread. Is it just me or does anyone else find it totally idiotic that a convicted felon can't vote but a convicted felon can be an elected official?? I know we have had some through out history, Mayor Marion Barry rings a bell, but it just re-enterd my mind after the alsakan politician, names slips my mind, was recently convicted but is still running for re-election.

And not to turn this into a political forum, but I was listening to fox this morning and a gentleman on there was talking about Senator Obama's likely inability to be granted a security clearence for a federal job due to his associations, but can still be potentially the commander in chief.

It seems that the same rules don't apply to politicians that apply to "joe the Plumber", that seems like a Darwin award winner to me.

Todd