Essay of the Month

CCTI – WHO, and WHY ME??

By MSTC Jerald Motyka

Since I enlisted in the Coast Guard some thirteen years ago, I have been interested in the CCTI and the reasons behind it.  My first official day at my first unit, a middle-aged man with a large pot belly, dressed in a diaper and bonnet, with a pacifier around his neck and a large tray of donuts asked permission to board the cutter to which I was assigned, and asked to be directed to the Chiefs’ Mess.  I was hooked!  Why in God’s name would a grown man put himself through such a degrading thing?  I asked my BM2, I asked my Chief, I asked the EMC also assigned to the WTGB, and never got an answer I could wrap my mind around.  All of the answers were different!

Each unit to which I was assigned brought me into contact with more Chiefs and Warrants and enlisted members, and I continued to ask the same questions, “Why,” “What happens if you don’t do it,” and “How could a person debase themselves in public like that?”  The answers were all the same – varying from, “Because,” to “Everybody before them did it,” to whispered vagaries that sounded like a conspiratorial, “You’ll understand afterward.”  Since those days, the CCTI was banned by the Coast Guard then re-vamped and re-instituted, and I have always asked the same questions to everyone from Non-Rates to Flag Officers… and every flavor of Chief (initiated and uninitiated alike) that I could find).  The answers I received were always the same – all over the road.

I was advanced to Chief in 2003 and made a half-hearted attempt to start the CCTI process when I arrived at my new unit, but with my unanswered questions, I dropped out immediately.  Why bother?  The Chief’s Mess had nothing to do with my shiny new anchors, and as far as I could tell, not even the Mess knew WHY I should do it.

Because??  Because WHY?  I stopped accepting the lame answer of “Because” when I left home at age eighteen.

Because THEY did it??  Not hardly!  As a parent, I have been hit with the “Because all my friends are doing it!”  Why did they do it?

You will understand why afterwards??  Okay, just sign the title for your house over to me.  Why?  You’ll understand afterwards!!  Sorry, I need answers up front.  Why did I get blasted with Pepper Spray?  I was told up front.  Why did I go through Boot Camp after surviving a DOD Basic Training?  I was told up front!  All I wanted were ANSWERS!!

I had begun to believe that this was all just reminiscent of the story about the Emperors’ new clothes, and the way that everybody just went along with what they thought everybody else thought was a good idea.  It took one snot-nosed kid to wake the entire Empire to the reality it faced… the Emperor was naked.  I was wondering if maybe I was supposed to be that snot-nosed kid.

Unfortunately, there is also an old tale (probably an Urban Legend) of a large fish put into a divided tank with a minnow, separated by a sheet of Plexiglas.  The fish beat itself silly by bashing its snout against the Plexiglas over the course of days in a vain attempt to reach the minnow.  Eventually, it gave up.  Then, the Plexiglas was removed, allowing both the fish and minnow to swim freely around the tank.  Even though they even made physical contact from time to time, the fish never ate the minnow – to the point of eventually starving to death.  Why did it starve?  Because it relied on the “fact” that no matter what it had done in the past, it “knew” it couldn’t reach the minnow.  In my case, my minnow was the “truth”: Why should we even have a CCTI??

Several months ago I discovered the CG Chief’s web site and decided to try one last time.  Using the same tactic a cook uses to grill outdoors, of tossing lighter fluid on a pile of charcoal sitting in a grill – knowing that you have to deal with a mess of flames before you get to useful coals, I decided to ask one last Chiefs’ Mess the same questions.  I was more successful than I had hoped.  I received everything from the same inane comments of, “Because,” and, “Because the Chiefs before you did it” to threats of physical violence and promises of “shunning” should I ever be met on the street or even at a unit in the course of work!  I also received a couple dozen e-mails and calls from Chiefs who chose not to go through the CCTI (these will be addressed later).

Like the grill, after the initial flames died down, and my initial post was forwarded through nearly the entire Coast Guard to incite further comment and fan the flames higher, the more rational “cooking coals” began to make themselves known.  Of those that contacted me that haven’t told me to keep their identities to myself, Master Chief Brayman from the CMC School and Mr. (YNC Retired) Bob Sova were very instrumental in answering the questions that had me so confused and unwilling to undergo the CCTI.  The last people I spoke with were my unit’s Command Chief, and the Chief of the First Coast Chief’s Mess, MCPO Richard Freeman.  They sealed the deal with no arm twisting and, finally happy that I had as much answered as I could – and still wondering if I was the least bit sane, I decided to go through with it.  That’s right, I volunteered to go through the CCTI.  And let me repeat, that the calmer, more rational voices told me specifically that the decision was mine, and that there was NO inducement or promises or threats involved.  To be honest, this is one of the reasons I changed my mind!!

While I will keep the confidences that I have been asked to keep, I will say that I was humiliated, abused, and tested over the course of a full month.  While I have identified several things that I believe could be improved, I am VERY happy that I went through it.  Sure, I was queasy and smelled of fish-oil for a couple days, but I feel that I did NOT make a mistake… not at all!

I learned many valuable points about both myself and the skills I had collected, and I also honed my skills at time management and what I used to call “networking.”  I really had a good network of fellow MSTs with a couple BMs and MKs through in for good measure – and going through the CCTI FORCED me to increase the size of this safety-net… and that is just what I learned – it isn’t a “network,” it really is a ‘safety net.’  I was forced to meet and greet people that I normally wouldn’t have had the chance to get to know; my God, I was even cavorting with AVIATORS!!  I was pretty smug in my knowledge of how diverse the Guard was – but my socks were blown off by the reality!!  Even if the CCTI process were cut down to nothing more than collecting Charge Sheets and Words of Wisdom from a bunch of other Chiefs, it would still be worth it!

Every Honorable Chief I approached for Words of Wisdom was also hit with my request for, “Why” and they all gave me straight answers… and all of them were as subjective and “poor” as all the answers I had received before.  But I also found THE reason for that which I will discuss later.

Now, on the topic of non-initiated Chiefs, and those that shared their words of support and the reasons for them not going through the process:

Please don’t see my change of heart as me abandoning you or me being wishy-washy.  Not one of you expressed reasons that differed from my own for not going through the CCTI: None of you had heard a reason that was either compelling enough or expressed in a way that you could work it into your “reality.”  I felt the same way.  I am one who likes to be able to get a straight answer when I ask a straight question… and I never got it until recently… and let me say that I remained just as skeptical until the “Congratulations and Welcome to the Mess” dinner was finished… and maybe even a day or two after.  And remember the BS line about “You get out of the CCTI what you put into it”?  Unfortunately, I have to report that it is completely true… much to my chagrin… very true.

I had had my initial questions answered and went into it with an outright PROMISE that there were points to be made – even if I had to wait for them to become clear.  Of course, my duties at my unit drove me to the point of distraction and I was busier than I had been in the year and a half prior… but was handed that same tired line of, “Others did it, you can to!”  I put as much as I could afford into the process, and am here to say that I am sorry that I didn’t put more into it.  It isn’t exactly accurate that you get out of it what you put in… the return is magnified… you get more back than you put into the process.

Let me also say that the more sane respondents that HAD gone through expressed the same attitude, that un-initiated WERE Chiefs the same as the initiated, but they were missing something intangible.

And, unfortunately, this is why I never really got a good answer until so very late.  This process, and one of the reasons that I never got a good answer as to “Why” is that the experience was completely personal… I am sure I had a totally different experience than any one of the other five PCPOs going through with me.  I can tell you why I did it, but my answer will be different than the next guy, and his answer will be different than the next gal.  It IS a truly personal experience.  It’s no wonder why I never got the same answer twice!!  It is just as bad as asking why somebody goes to the church they attend… the answers are the same, “Because,” “Because my family did it before me,” and “You won’t understand until you sit next to me in church.”

Just prior to my registering on this site, I asked one of the more frequent posters for his answers (SCPO Smith) made a comment that I had asked for his Words of Wisdom about going through the CCTI and once received, I had immediately (and publicly) ignored it.  Well, Senior, up until April 8^th, I had ignored it, because it was just as nebulous and personal as all the others.  NOW, I can see why you gave me the words you did…

Just another example of that darned humility thing creeping through again…

I was used and abused during the process, and was told that it would all make sense in the end, when it was all done… it did make sense and it was effective.  Sure, although I have some suggestions as to how to make it more effective, it still worked.  And, truth be told, I had a blast.  Yes, I think I spent WAY too much money on the process (and my wife agrees!!), but it was, in general, well worth it.  The members of the First Coast Chief’s Mess were a crazy group who were very helpful throughout the entire process.  It will be an honor to work with them for as long as I am here in Jacksonville… and then long after as we all continue our careers.

And, if requested, I might even consider going through it again.  But this time my fish would be frozen…

So, to those of you who though that I had my mind made up beforehand, I can assure you that you were wrong.  I learned a lot about myself, and I would hope that the members of the First Coast Chiefs’ Mess learned from me as well.  It was quite a ride, and I am very glad I decided to go through with it.

Was it stupid and childish?  Yes.  At times it rose (fell?) to the level of college frat initiation silliness.

Were there reasons for it all?  Yes.  And when you sit back afterwards you can see them.

Was it worthwhile?  Fiscally, probably not.  Morale-wise, definitely!  Lessons-learned wise?  Absolutely!!

Are there things that need changing?  You betcha!  Now I can set to actually making a good system better.  It is a shame I couldn’t see it before I went through.

And, now, after thirteen years of hand-wringing and two years of suffering self-imposed agony over whether I should or shouldn’t, the deed is done.  And truth be told, I am very happy I did it.